Oh. Hi. Maddie here.
I am so tired of hearing Bear did this, and Bear did that, and Bear is registered as a Therapy Dog, and Bear gets his own ID badge . . . blah, blah, blah! Do you know what I have to say about that? SO WHAT!
I know something that I can do waaaayyyyy better than Bear, and I don’t have to be registered OR have identification hanging around my neck to do it (after all, I know who I am without a badge). Wanna know what it is?
I can force squirrels to do death defying aerial leaps out of the crabapple tree in the back yard. Just watch this!
First - I spot the squirrel. Then I go into my "pinning the rodent with my laser beam stare" routine. It sort of hypnotizes them. I'm so still (like a piece of granite) that they think I'm not even breathing. But I'm looking directly into their eyes. "You are getting sleepy, you are gettingvery, very sleepy, your eyelids are starting to close." I learned this technique from watching The Animal Planet - you know where those guys "charm" snakes?
Once I have the squirrel totally under my spell, I inch forward until I am directly under the tree . . .
. . . and then I open up with my famous hound "squirrel howl", which, if everything is going like it should, scares the bushy-tailed creature into leaping from the tree and trying to make it across the yard without being caught.
Now if Bear happens to get up off his throne long enough to step outside, he might walk over and offer a little "woof" - geez, I'd hate for him to strain his vocal cords - he might not be able to vocalize sweetly enough for his "patients" if he actually barked!
Today, all Bear's "woof" did was cause the squirrel to double over laughing. So I had to stop what I was doing and go over and tell Bear to back off and let the expert finish the job . . .
. . . but when I left my post, the squirrel did a nose-dive off the limb in the OTHER DIRECTION! I HATE it when that happens!
"No, Furface, no more squirrels in the tree. And thanks to you, no squirrel in my mouth either!"
Oh well, tomorrow is another day . . . and another adventure. I'll try to do better next time, and maybe you can see me catch a squirrel. Of course, mom needs to keep "her special boy" inside while I'm working. Maybe she could wax his whiskers of something.