Dog-Sized Hissy Fits 2/3/2012

Hi.  Maddie here.

Sometimes Bear and I get so mad at mom and dad we just have to roll over on the floor, stick all eight of our feet in the air, and pitch pint- and gallon-sized hissy fits!  Take last Saturday morning, for instance.

Mom and dad were sitting out on the sun porch, drinking their coffee and talking about how busy they’d been and how happy they were the weekend was finally here.  I mean, really.  They’re retired!  Every day is Saturday to them.

Anyway.  When mom and dad have a busy week, Bear and I have a boring week.  They go off and “work”, and Bear and I sit around the house and look at each other (Bear tells me all the time that he gets the short end of the stick on that, since I get to look at a lot more than he does – referring, I am sure, to my petite form vs his massive, hairy bod.   To which I always point out, “The best things in life come in small packages.”  To which he always replies, “Bigger is better.”

Anyway, After one of their “busy” weeks, we are ready for some action, and all they want to do is rest.  Good grief!

First we had to listen to them chat about the beautiful sunrise that morning - not that mom saw it in person. Dad took this photo, and as soon as mom's feet hit the floor, he showed it to her somehow on the back of his camera and waited for her to say, "That is soooooo pretty." She did say that a little later, but when he showed it to her the first time, she said, "You know I only have one eye open until half-way through my first cup of coffee. Why are you showing me this now?" Well, dad DOES know that, but I guess he keeps thinking one morning she will wake up with both eyes open. Fat chance.

Mom went to get her first cup of coffee, and dad followed her into the kitchen for his second cup. By the way, what is it about coffee that is so fabulous? Dad left his cup next to his chair once, and I lapped up some of it, and it was gross! So gross, in fact, that dad couldn't even tell any difference in it when he drank the rest - and I'm sure I left a little dog spit in there. Anyway. While they were in the kitchen, Bear and I hatched a plan to get them off the porch and outside.

While we were waiting for them to get back to the porch, I cleaned up Bear's face (being a guy, he doesn't worry as much as I do about personal hygiene).

I always paying special attention to those eyes he always gets so many compliments on (I can't help it if my eyes are the same color as my fur and don't stand out like his do. My eyes are pretty too - just ask dad). As I was finishing up, mom and dad start back down the hall. "Ok." I say to Bear, "Remember what we talked about."

We knew dad was going to pick up a book and start reading . . . .

. . . and the plan was for Bear to come around on the other side, . . .

. . . take a look over dad's shoulder at the book . . .

. . . and show dad just how B O R I N G it was to spend a perfectly beautiful day inside reading.

Then dad was supposed to say, "Baby (don't ask me why he calls mom 'baby' - cause if there's one thing mom's not, it's young), let's take Maddie and Bear for a walk." That was the plan.

Instead, all of a sudden, dad jumps out of the chair like the house is on fire and starts saying to mom, “Look, look! Up in the tree!”  Mom, who finally has both her eyes open, says, “What?”  But dad’s out the back door and heading over to the fence.  Mom looks where he’s going and says, “Oh my gosh!  Look at that!”

"What?! Look at what?!"

And that’s when I spotted it . . . . the biggest squirrel I have ever seen!

But wait, it can't be a squirrel. It's not twitching. It's not running. It's head is way too big. It's tail is way too naked. I went beserk! Bear went beserk! Dad was standing right under a tree, close to the biggest, slowest, most unafraid "creature" we'd ever seen. Mom followed dad outside, and just as Bear and I are about to bust through the open door, she says, (AND - YOU - ARE - NOT - GOING - TO - BELIEVE - THIS) "You can't go out!" WHAT!

There's TWO of them! One on the ground . . .

. . . and the one in the tree.

We couldn’t believe it.  Stuck on the porch while mom and dad photographed what they later told us were possums.  Don’t most people shoot possums!  Then at least we’d be able to SMELL them close-up!  But not our weird parents.  They came back in the house and did RESEARCH on them.  Found out a possum is the mammal least likely to carry rabies.  Found out they aren’t afraid of people.  Found out they are afraid of dogs (well, duh).  Found out they usually are seen at night, but in the winter might come out in daylight to look for food.  Found out to leave them alone, and they’ll go away.

Which is what they did – about an hour later.

When mom and dad came back in the house and found us on the floor with our legs in the air pitching our hissy fits, they felt bad.  After the possums went away, they took us on a long walk, and then mom brought out new toys she’d bought for us and had been saving for a special occasion.

She filled  them up with treats, and we worked ourselves silly rolling the toys around the room for 30 minutes to get one tiny little morsel of food to fall out.

30 minutes of work for a tidbit.

Good grief.

I told you they were weird.

All right, Bear, on the count of three . . . HISSY FIT!